Are you dealing with grief right now?

About ten days ago we had a death in the family. My ex-husband and the father of my oldest two boys died unexpectedly. We all were shocked – we never expected this.

My boys are grieving their loss. I, too, am grieving. Although my ex and I had many rocky times during our marriage, after the divorce and annulment my ex managed to turn his life around. He renewed his faith, and we began to have a cordial relationship. He once again became a part of our family gatherings, thanks to the kindness of my current husband. I am grieving for the loss of his kind soul, and I am grieving for my boys.

I am extremely grateful that I had a long conversation with my ex only a few days before he passed. I have spoken to his friends, and it is very comforting for my family to know that in those last few days he also had good visits and phone calls with other people that were close to him. What a blessing to know that he was in good spirits in those last few days. But the loss of someone, especially one who was part of your family, still hurts.

It has been hard for us to go through papers and sort things out in my ex’s home. We have come across photos of happy times, which have helped us to recall him with fondness. We have also uncovered things we didn’t even know existed, and my boys have learned things about their father that they previously never knew.

I know it is going to take time for all of us to heal from this tragedy. But during this time, we will not bury our grief. We will grieve together and find the support we need to get through this time. We are leaning on each other and our friends and family.

An unexpected blessing out of this is that members of our family are coming together in a way we had not done for a long time. I am looking at this as a positive outcome of a very difficult situation, and I hope we can go forward and maintain these renewed relations. Even though it is hard to see right now, I am confident that our Lord has a hand in this, and that we will get through this difficult time and grow as a result.

Everyone grieves differently, and for different periods of time. Some may feel overwhelmed. Others may bury their feelings or stoically try to get through it. If you know someone who is grieving, see if there is something you can do to help them. Think about what that person really needs right now. Some may need a shoulder to cry on. Others could benefit from a listening ear. Still others may need some guidance on what to do, or actual help doing things. Sometimes it's hard to know what to do for someone who is grieving – but it’s good to try.

Stay in touch with your friend. Your contact may mean the world to the person who has lost a loved one. Put your friend’s well-being before your own, if possible. Consider carefully what you say so your well-meaning remark is not misinterpreted. And prayers are usually always appreciated!

We all experience grief at one time or another. If you have lost someone recently, know that I am praying for you. Please do not bury your grief when you have a loss. Talk about it with others and ask for support. And accept help offered - your friends want to help if they can. And of course, pray and ask God for help, too. It may be a difficult time, but you will get through it. And who knows, perhaps an unexpected blessing awaits you within the grief.

Have a blessed Monday!

Faye

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